i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize