I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
