My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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