How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
