ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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