I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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