youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
