I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
