You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
