I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize