I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
