omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
