I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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