What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
