I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
