Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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