i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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