i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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