I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
