I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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