you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
