I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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