Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
