I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize