Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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