Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
