I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
