I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
