if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
