Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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