Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize