doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
