morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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