shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
