Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
