Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm always down for nudity.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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