Christians are straight up FREAKS
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
