So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
