oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
