if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
