Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
