we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
