whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize