He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
