peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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