So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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