just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i dont even know how to be here
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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