She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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