I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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