I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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