Your favorite bartender is back from prision
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The Olympian is in my bed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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