But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
