Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
