I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
