do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
