Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
