I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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