I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Randomize
