Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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