Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize