This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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