dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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