Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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