Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
