3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
