All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
