PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
