do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
