gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
