I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
