She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
