omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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