This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
