and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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