Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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