my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
