I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
