i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
