Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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