Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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