Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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