My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
