the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
