if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
