my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
