i think i have two assholes
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
