I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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