I'm drive I can fine osifer
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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