Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize