im having a threesome with these popsicles
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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