your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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