Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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