I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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