I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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