I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
