just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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