I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
